My Tearful Goodbye

I am trying to get my thoughts collected enough to share with you regarding the last few days of my sweet husbands' life. This is definitely no easy task...but a story I want everyone to know. In many ways it is easier to put into words on the computer, than repeatedly share over the phone or in person. I get choked up and the tears flow easily until it seems my eyes are all dried out. So now here is my story of the love of my life, my dear Jim's' last few days on this earth.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that this would be our last Christmas with Jim. We had a wonderful month from Thanksgiving to December 26th. We did so much together this year. I am so thankful we had 2 Thanksgivings, one early with our kids and friends in our home and one in Lansing Illinois with Jim's Mom and brother. We so enjoyed our visit and loved the fun times we spent laughing and reminiscing about old times and viewing photographs. We even went downtown to Chicago and went to our favorite Pizza eatery, Due's, from our early dating years. Sure brought back a lot of memories!!

During the month of December we had precious times together, going to my hospital Christmas party, Evan's Madrigal Dinner at Silver Creek High School, the Parade of Lights in downtown Longmont, dinners with good friends old and new. We hosted a final Christmas party on the 21st with close friends and lots of laughter. Our Christmas Eve was especially nice. Larissa made a wonderful Christmas eve dinner for us, as I was working at the hospital and had to do some very last minute Christmas shopping. I know....procrastination is my vice. Oh, and chocolate too!! I just didn't have the time this year to shop and we had made a pact that we just weren't spending any money on gifts this year due to the economy and the threat of job layoffs at Seagate. Jim, being true to his word, kept his promise. I broke that agreement though, because I just wanted to give a few things to everyone.

Christmas Eve brought us to 2 church services, at Calvary Bible in Boulder and the annual family tradition to go to the 11 pm service at Lifebridge. They were such great services!! We are always uplifted by worship. Christ is the center of our household. His love and ultimate sacrifice on the cross is the "glue" that has held us together for all these years. We stand knowing He is faithful and just. In Christ alone our hope is found....we have hope for eternal life through HIM. That night as we traveled to and from churches, we loved singing carols in the car and looking at all the Christmas lights. It truly was magical and so special to have those times together. Jim belted out those songs and harmonized with all his heart and soul. You just had to be there. Smiles


Christmas morn was sweet....watching old family videos, opening gifts and cherishing the moments at home with the kids and Elise, Evan's girlfriend of nearly 2 years. We spent the day with Justin and Vale in their new home in Castle Rock having a wonderful Christmas, playing games; Catch Phrase, Whonew, and Scene It. Of course the guys had to get some Guitar Hero in as well. Always guitars enter in when Jim is present! Even "play" guitars.

On the 26th we had a memorable day snowshoeing in Rocky Mountain National Park. This was a first for the family...except Adam, who made sure we were well equipped to handle the trek. I had given the guys aviator bomber hats for Christmas (those last minute purchases) and they all wore them that day. I was concerned that Jim might not handle the elevation or cold due to his cardiac history, but that was totally not a problem!! I was the one huffing and puffing at 10,000 feet (I should've known) and Jim was leading the pack way ahead of us. He loved every minute of our adventure and he took many photos along the way. We all agreed we would be repeat that again soon. It was such a special time, one that I and the kids will never forget!

Saturday the 27th would prove to be the worst day of our lives. Jim woke early showered and packed to go up to Crystal Lakes. He was determined to get some ice fishing in before we left for Florida for a week. You see my Mom's 80th birthday is Jan. 4th and we had planned a party for Mom and my entire family (all 6 siblings and grand kids included) He was a bit hesitant to go to Florida.... again worried about finances. He loves the mountains, and being out in the cold and snow doesn't bother him a bit. I, on the other hand prefer sunny warm beaches. We did compromise though, as soon as he got his opportunity to go up to his beloved Crystal Lake property.

Before he left, he gave me his Christmas present. He said that he was giving everyone an act of service as our gifts. Mine was to hang a kitchen towel bar that Adam had purchased. He got the task done and was off with Adam for a great day of catching trout in a frozen over lake!

Larissa and I had a leisurely day and had set out to now return a few of those last minute gifts I had purchased on Christmas eve. At 4:16 pm I received a call from a panicked Adam. He told us that Dad had fallen on the icy cold lake and was unconscious. He explained that they had spent 30 minutes getting set up in the freezing cold windy weather and after drilling 2 holes, having their buckets (used as their seats) blow away, decided it wasn't worth the effort to stay out there. After Adam made the first trip to return their gear, he looked back on the frozen lake and saw Jim laying face up on the lake downwind of where they had their fishing site and further away from the truck. He couldn't figure out why he was further away instead of heading closer toward the truck. He figures that the stupid bucket was carried away by the wind, Jim tried to run after it to retrieve it and slipped on the ice his feet going out from under him, slamming the back if his head on the unforgiving hard surface of the 18 inch ice with full momentum! The new aviator bomber hat he wore even with fur padding couldn't prevent injury. Jim sustained a 4 inch occipital skull fracture that the coroner said caused his cerebellum to forcefully snap backward then forward. This caused compression of the blood vessels to rupture. Jim was taking Plavix and aspirin for his heart so that contributed to a rapid sub arachnoid hemorrhage. He also had subdural hematomas. Blood filled his brain. A lethal head injury that caused brain death by the time he was admitted to the ER in Loveland. He had no pain, no response to any stimuli, fixed pupils with no cornea reaction. No gag no respirations and was on a ventilator. Adam tried everything he knew to do to help Jim and was very brave. I am so thankful that Adam was there with his best friend and hero. Adam and Jim have a very close bond. They are two peas in a pod! If Adam hadn't gone with Jim, he may have frozen on the ice and we wouldn't have had the time we did have to say our goodbyes. Tears are flowing now.

As we listened to the ER doctor tell us the grim news we sobbed in disbelief. How could Jim be taken from us? Why? So many unanswered questions. The next 24 hours were unreal. He was in Trauma ICU in the Medical Center of the Rockies. A two year old hospital, that recently received a world class level of care designation. And we can attest to that...His two night nurses Hillary and Alana were constantly caring for Jim. watching his vitals, urine output, and caring for us as well. We immediately called our near and dear friends, Gary and Ellen Hamor. Our church pastor JR Masteller was called and he prayed a beautiful prayer via the phone. The counselor Jeanne and Chaplin Art were there to meet our immediate needs.Trying to reach Justin and Vale, who were at a wedding in Highlands Ranch, took a bit of time but they finally were notified and arrived as soon as possible. Before we knew it Jim's room filled with more of our dear friends, Carol Schrader, Kathy York, Virginia and Frank Beggs, Steve and Laurie Hodgson, and all their kids Brie, Chelsea, Brock and his girlfriend Leah, Tracy and Elise Whipkey. We had so many calls to make! All the while prayers were being said by hundreds of people all through the night all over the nation. Praying for a miracle was our foremost hope. We all knew it would take a miracle to help Jim survive. We prayed and prayed and prayed. I was not giving up on my sweetheart of 41 years! I know that "all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28....a verse I have claimed for many years. I know God has no limits!


We kept a bedside vigil all night long. At 4am they did another CAT scan of his brain. Then an EEG. As daylight appeared, so did our day nurse Seth. So skilled and thorough with his care. He took meticulous care of Jim all morning as we waited for the neurologist to inform us of the test results. Even though we knew in our minds what the findings would be.... our hearts ached for him to wake up, show some signs of life. ANYTHING!!! Meanwhile friends from all over continued to pour in to his hospital room. Filling it with love and support, hugs and kind words of encouragment through eyes consumed with tears. I can't tell you how much that meant to me and the kids. Our friends are just like family to us, and have been right beside us all the way.


Dr Meredith arrived at 12:30 pm. He delivered the long awaited and dreaded news of the EEG. "No Brain Activity" We were devastated. With EVERYONE crying our eyes out we made the decision to donate his organs. I knew that Jim would want to give the ultimate gift of life. After reviewing the CT scans it was found his spleen was enlarged.

It is getting way too late....and I must get some sleep. This blog will be continued tomorrow.

May God Bless you all and Goodnight. I am forever grateful to everyone. Love and hugs Linda